I rewrote a shitty post I just saw to reflect reality iPhone User: I upgrade my phone every six months because I'm a tool
Android User: I rooted my phone so I could install a peripheral so I could literally fuck my phone I love it so much
Blackberry User: Ah, hello emperor I bring news from the peasant communities... we're so hungry... please stop burning our crops
NGage User: *happily married, great job and life*

this is the longest i’ve had any icon. thank you kaiman

whats better than this

guys being dudes

spinach makes me legitimately feel powerful after i eat it. whats the deal with that

Girl: Boys are so weak, just walking by gets your dicks hard
Guy: Bitch I was thinking about Metal Gear Solid V so unless you can provide me with Tactical Espionage Action in 1080p at 60fps get that bullshit away from me

keri russell shows up in Scrubs and i expect her to kill all the characters now that ive watched the Americans

that jlo iggy azalea booty song is trash

Seeing what tricks my new pet knows during my first session


Me: Roll over.

GM: The hedgehog rolls over. It’s adorable.

Me: Stay.

GM: You take a few steps away. The hedgehog remains where it is.

Me: Heel.

GM: The hedgehog heals you for 5 HP.

Me: Holy shit.

(via tfwnojutsu)

im calling the plot to the new COD

global attack destroys world
PMC takes power
you work for PMC
you realize PMC caused global attack
you attack PMC and kill kevin spacey

10 hours later you play multiplayer until your eyes bleed




Whats red and bad for your teeth?

a brick

well you’re not wrong

(via brokendildo)